the part i remember most was the kiss
i had business in a new place, busy corporate office building or medical strip mall, out of my element and unfamiliar
i was in a gallery or art shop and looking for any work that might speak to me but nothing was connecting...  i had my work but knew it was not a good fit so i kept going to the next business
there i found someone to share it with while waiting to see someone i was supposed to meet....
i think he was a doctor or therapist
but it wasn't official business, his wife ran the gallery, he had dark hair and smoked, he had a blonde toddler boy that was a little too interested in me and my stories which made me uncomfortable, but there was something about him and as we talked i was mesmerized. i sat too close but no one corrected it.
i kept repeating that my work wasn't a fit because i was the dark side, i was the dark but it had no effect on the situation
before i know it we are outside in the night running through crowds avoiding security cameras and trying to find seclusion. it was perhaps november, late fall and chilly but not snow and the drab brown of the ground and red brick building and dark night sky added excitement to the scene.
we were speaking and i was standing too close and all i could manage was to watch his lips as he spoke. he was from hamburg but couldn't even say it correctly, he said he spoke german but when i spoke to him his reply was nonsense and with a flat accent.  finally as i stood watching i said out loud that i couldn't think of anything else but to kiss him and then i said fuck it i'm just going to and i did, not letting fear of rejection stop me
and although it was wrong the feeling of comfort and connection and fullfilment were more powerful and we kissed and kissed...
a security guard had been helping us to find seclusion and we thanked him for his help
suddenly it was christmas and i was driving through busy streets full of buses and people
i saw him at a cafe with his wife and kid
the child had a gift for me and i was embarassed
the innocent honest little one that i actually liked found me interesting and liked me in his pure hearted ignorant way and gave me a present
i felt love and shame and awkward confusion
i knew we wouldn't be seeing each other again