we were in Las Vegas. we stopped into the kitschy attraction, the performer was dressed in a swirling white and gold Lamé suit and covered in gaudy rings like Liberace. E. said let's get married. I laughed and was already wearing something tacky and gold or had a blouse or dress in the car that would be appropriate and said ok thinking it was all quite a silly gag and why not have some fun it would make great photos. He left and I was sent to receive instructions about how the bride was to perform in the ritual. A young girl was trying to instruct me on walking down the aisle but instead of walking i was supposed to fit my legs into wooden boxes almost like dresser drawers, one leg per box bent at the knee at an intense angle. I said that wasn't going to work it was too uncomfortable and i couldn't bend like that. We compromised somehow and next thing i know i'm alone with a thin dark haired hispanic youth who spoke in heavily accented english. At this point i was feeling some doubt and i asked him if it was a legit wedding and he looked at me confused. i said this is just a joke right it isn't actually legal or binding and he said well some people believe/accept it as real. This got me nervous as it was not the answer i was expecting. Soon i find myself face to face with another person that i assume is also an employee. He has short cropped medium sandy color hair, somewhat squared features, and blue eyes that i can only call startling or sparkling... i am still joking around and say this wedding isn't real right? it's just for show... and he looks at me our faces are very close and doesn't respond that i recall...but i say look if this wedding is real i'm going to marry you instead. if it is a joke i'll marry E. and he laughs and he blows onto my face and asks me to blow onto his. I assume he is checking my breath to see if i am drunk or have brushed my teeth like his minimum requirement for marriage is good breath and i think luckily i have been chewing cinnamon gum. He takes out a piece of paper and asks me my name. He attempts to write it down and i tell him it is spelled wrong. I am laughing as every time he writes my name he puts an I in it. I make him erase and start again spelling letter by letter as he writes but inevitably at some point he puts in an I. this has me laughing hysterically.there is no I in ____ (i say my name). I go outside to wait for E.s return and am sitting in an amazing convertible with leather bucket seats 2 in front and 3 in the back so it has a triangular or pyramidal sort of shape with the front of the 'car' being slightly pointed as it widens in the back. I'm in the passenger seat and the leather is black with heavy stitching and rough but comfortable and two people are in the back seats with 1 remaining and i'm looking at the gear shift and thrilled it is manual because i can drive that. E. appears and is admiring the car but doesn't get in.
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I realize upon waking that i was excited to marry the trickster and would happily done so and was attracted to him much more than the stead tried and true E. Having No I in my name, no sense of I or self in "me"...does it mean i have ignored my true self that i need to marry the trickster and capture "I"? As i have been grappling with large choices about my future i feel it is a nudge in the more exciting less certain direction but this is also the direction that is more true to what i feel is my calling in life.
