i think i understand this dream
the crying babies playing with toys, getting in to things they shouldn't, distracting me from urgency, that is the future. my future.
the unexpected people knocking and clamoring to get in, wanting something from me, to take a class, to be in this house, this massive complex house, that is the world.
the dark room full of rusted pieces of antiquity carefully aligned but ignored and haunted, so haunted that one step near the door way will cause you to freeze in place and cry and scream with terror, a long drawn out wail that carries on even after your breath has left you and no one notices, that is the past and my family
the unexpected nature of it all, the chaos, the unpreparedness, being caught off guard, what class are you talking about nothing was scheduled oh maybe i forgot or maybe no one told me this was going on, that is life happening
the rush from room to room trying to fix things trying to make it presentable and nice for the people outside that is what we do every day
and the tour to the bathroom that nice elegant royal bathroom with high blue and white porcelain teacup style tub so deep you could swim in it with gold and fine linens that we keep nice just for company but the rest of us shouldn't go there, well that is the face we put on for people isn't it. denying ourselves our own finery.
and then suddenly you don't remember where you put the baby. yes stashed away somewhere for safekeeping but where. you don't hear it crying although you call out to it. frantically you ask the dark ancient room and the minute you open the door and look in you are trapped momentarily in nightmare style, after an eternal minute you break free wondering why no one answers your call, not the babies, not the people in the next room, you are on your own.  something like a secret voice or a whisper in your mind tells you to look near the bridge, the small arched bridge, that gentle place you care for, so you go there.

you open the door and see the maddening throng pushing toward you trampling everything in their path. you spot a friend and yell they almost notice but the hoards and masses are too great so raucous. you climb to the roof and cup your mouth and yell with your whole self : the instructor is late so you'll have to wait outside for 10 more minutes. 10 MORE MINUTES!
the wall of people stop and relax in unison sighing with relief because it is a nice day outside and waiting sounds nice to them.

you scramble off to complete your urgent work and continue to look for those babies lost somewhere in this house that is me.